There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
