Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Pants are for mortals
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
