drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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