Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
