she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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