I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
