just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
