i would punch a child for taco bell
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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