The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
