im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
