hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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