My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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