I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
