I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
