So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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