There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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