Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
