Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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