Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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