I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
