I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
