Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
