dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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