He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
