Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
