Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dick very happy bro
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize