Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
