Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
