Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
