And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!