i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
