dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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