Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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