matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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