I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
