is your mom at the bar?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
