That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
smell my finger.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
