Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just invented taco cereal.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
