he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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