i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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