the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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