My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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