Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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