i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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