Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
