I hate your face
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
