Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Come see our sink grown plant.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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