every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize