the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
