we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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