I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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