We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
