My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
