I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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