you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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