R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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