his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
