sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
