The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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