I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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