Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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