Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
