so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
