I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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