who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
